love the wang

i’ve negelected this blog.

i’ve been busy at work. more days, more money but always tired and 15 minutes late to everything else.

i’ve also come to some revelations about my personal relationships and i’ve made long term goals for my future..and some short turn ones. plans that make sense and plans that for once in my life, i don’t cringe at and actually look forward to.

i want to share this karl lagerfeld quote because i love him, and because it’s NYC fashion week: “fashion is, like cinema, a business of injustice. it’s not because you want to work in fashion that it will work out. you succeed for other mysterious reasons. it’s not about fairness, it’s just a horrible fact of life. my business plan has always been about working more than the others to prove their uselessness.”

that’s it for now. eat, love, smile

Sometimes it takes other people’s pain to remind you that yours isn’t as malignant as you imagined.

I worked for four hours this morning counting every single bottle in the bar, and than I had nothing to do. Nothing. No laundry, no dishes, no cleaning, no errands, absolutely nothing. So I did what I did best: over-think, freak out and have a mid-life crisis all in my own head.

I started to feel pity about how hard I thought life was; how I’m growing apart from my friends, how I’m misunderstood, how my career is going nowhere, how my romantic life sucks ass, how nobody REALLY knows the hardships I’ve been through. I thought myself into a depression, and instead of taking hold of the beautiful sunny day and going out to enjoy life, I thought myself into an afternoon of self-diagnosed depression bed rest.

Thing is, through michelle, twitter and mooshinindy (one of my favorite blogs, and one that inspires me to pick up the camera once more,) I found websites that reminded me that human life is greater than the small hurdles I’m fumbling over. (especially since my hurdles are emotional and not a result of actual incidents.)

Reading these websites served as a reminder that the variation of grief and sadness in life can encompass the everyday, but sadness brings beauty in the things it contrasts. More importantly, to look around at what good fortunes already exists in life that I am overlooking. I am not a mother or a wife or a sister, but I am a friend and a daughter and I observe and learn from their grief in the way I can relate. Phillip Toledan reminded me that we can embrace the sadness, but I must remember to celebrate the infuriating but silly things that make me laugh; to cherish my parents, because they are the only real family I have. MooshinIndy reminded me that life is precious; that friendships run thick, and if my world should crumble, I must have faith that my friends will be there with bricks to help me rebuild. David Foster Wallace reminded me that, well, I have to quote him because his words are as important as the message: “learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed.”

All three of those reminders dealt with death in one way or another: Toledan’s parents passed, MooshinIndy’s BFF lost her toddler daughter and David Foster Wallace took his own life last fall. My father used to always say, “the minute you are born, you start dying.” I’m sure it wasn’t his quote, but he’s just always the one I attribute it to. I am who I am: stubborn, tough-loving and an over-thinker, but I’m reminded today that wallowing in the things that I cannot change does not give my life more meaning, but on the contrary, wastes precious time. It doesn’t mean I’ll stop having self-induced crisis’ but it does mean today, I remembered not to let it consume me.   

Life is a marathon that I sometimes wonder why I’m running, until I realize I’m lucky enough to have a chance to get to the finish line.

if you MUST know, i love LITTLE dogs. teeny, tiny, pocket-sized, fuzzy canines. preferable, the odder looking the better. so it was to no surprise to my friends that i got suckered into being a foster parent for adoptable dogs for a local rescue group called “sparky and the gang” 

first there was Ava, a chihuahua, dachsaund mix

don’t let her doe-eyes fool you, she was an alpha, keep Kiraa hiding under the couch for a week. But she was very sweet and was adopted at her first adoption event but a very peppy blonde girl.

then came Gypsy:

she was abandoned at the shelter pregnant with kennel cough, ended up with pneumonia and labeled “aggressive.” the lady from the group rescued her and helped her recover from her pneumonia. she ended up giving birth to three teeny, tiny adorable chihuahua puppies. she loves to snuggle and sometimes sleeps with her ears up. quirky? yes. aggressive? nope.

next comes Chloe, aka Squeaks

Chloe got the nickname Squeaks because every time she made a sound, it just sounded like squeaking. she was TINY. (the second picture has my thumb in it for scale…) and she was rambuncsious. Kiraa was probably once that small, but i really forgot how much work it too. she couldn’t be left alone because she got into EVERYTHING; she snuck behind my entertainment center and tried to chew up my tv cables, she pooped on my nightstand because she couldn’t get down from the bed. she was so so so cute and tiny and sweet, but man, was she work. Squeaks eventually got adopted by a friend of the rescue group’s organizer, a dog-trainer! so as much as i was really in love with the pup, i’m happy she found an awesome home.

the current resident in the “halfway house for dogs” is Tinker, aka Yoda:

Tinker is pretty much what Yoda would look like if Yoda was a dog. she’s a pug, chihuahua mix and she’s got the dome head with the protruding eyeballs but a tiny, wrinkled snout. (…yoda.) she’s a couple months old, and it’s her first week without her brother Stinker. (he got adopted!) she’s adjusting to life without him by constantly trying to snuggle up against Kiraa. she’s is probably the most bizarre looking dog i’ve ever seen, but in a cute and charming way. she also likes to hoard things in her bed….dog toys, charger, potpourri satchel, everything a dog could ever want or need. she’s looking for a forever home, so if anyone’s looking for Yoda incarnate, drop me a comment!

in conclusion, i love dogs. i love their quirkiness, their story and their companionship! they’re each unique, like people, with distinct personalities that people sometimes fail to explore. and if you don’t already have one, you should really consider making the commitment because they will change your life!

i hate breakfast. i LOVE breakfast food, but i hate breakfast. it’s one of those meals where you don’t have time to sit down and ENJOY your food, and even if you do, it’s like lunch is right around the corner, so why bother?

in college, i could count with one hand how many times i actually ate breakfast, it was such an expendable meal. (we’re obviously not counting the times when I’m eating a grand slam at 5am after a frat party.) but again, as age has a great sense of humor, i can no longer function when hungry. truthfully, i get something like a hunger tremor where my hands start to shake if my sugar level is too low. it’s generic, so thanks dad!

i’m a savory breakfast eater. there’s nothing more comforting than a good salty Italian frittata or chili cheese omelets to say to my tummy “rise and shine!” the exception is side street café’s extraordinary sweet, fluffy, french toast, which i eat once a week at the minimum (shut up wobbly thighs!) but really, even with my leisurely schedule, who the heck has the time to SIT DOWN and eat this stuff during the weekdays?

when i worked 9-5, i tried every solutions to the breakfast dilemma: cereal, toast, pop-tarts, yogurt and granola, smoothies- all of which had me STARVING by 10:30. sometimes, i did the “eat my dinner leftovers for breakfast” thing, only to end up screaming at every co-worker that walked by “YES, I’m eating a t-bone for breakfast! STOP STARING!”

now, i have a more leisurely morning schedule, but i mean really? am i going to dirty 4 pots and pans just to get some hash browns? so recently, i checked those Jimmy Dean breakfast croissant sandwiches (they looked really good and the commercials are really damn cute,) but the “lite” version holds 12 grams of FAT, 18% of your daily intake and that’s if you eat 2000 calories a day, which most of us are trying to AVOID.

OH, and what about those people who work out IN THE MORNING? (you’re sick, i tell you, SICK) what the heck are you people eating that’s not causing you to throw up? because it’s impossible that you’re not eating before your workout!? i get hungry just holding up my SoniCare in the morning!

so friends, share the breakfast secret. what do you like to eat for breakfast? end up eating? and what’s your solution to the ever-enigmatic dilemma? because at this rate, i’m pretty much open to just sleeping until noon and eating lunch to start the day.

(ps. i find that my writing skills are on the decline and it’s getting harder and harder for me to compose my thoughts in an organized and concise matter; therefore, i am trying to post more in an effort to hone those skills. i apologize if any post finds you asleep or 10 IQ points dumber after reading.)

yeah, yeah, the economy is bad. sure, i picked up the morning paper for the first time in two months and pretty much cringed at the thought of not being able to retire until i’m 89 years old. but what’s a girl to do at 27 besides look fantastic?

as shopoholics go, i’m in the club. j’adore the “i’m put together but i didn’t try hard” look. and i pretty much will wear ANYTHING. (okay, NOT CLOGS/CROCS but pretty much anything else.)

so here’s the “already purchased” list:

the boyfriend jean (darker wash)

blanket stripe cardigan (in gray)

stretch acres cardigan (in beige AND gray)

pique cross-front jumber (in navy) (okay, the model looks like a skank in this picture cause her ass-cheeks are hanging out, but mine are perfect hidden thankyouverymuch.)

oversized fleece sweatshirt (in galaxy)

gatta love the basics!

and now, the “wanted” list: (feel free to be generous

orquidea dress

caraday dress

trellis flats

CL Ron Ron pumps (love those red soles)

dolce vita ellie sandals

marc jacobs love story tote (this is rediculous, i would never spend this much, but isn’t it cute in this gawdy way!?)

so economy!? screw you! my closet shall prevail despite your pessimism!

yesterday while i was busy shoving myself into a pair of high-waisted Marc Jacobs jeans that i SWORE fit me two months ago, i started to lament on how it was that i had managed to gain so much weight in eight simple weeks.

that’s when it happened. a knock on the door. i heard it loud and clear. i went to open it ,and guess what? thirty was there. it handed me a “save the date” card, laughed at my unbuttoned jeans and walked away, leaving me haunted.

how did this happen? i never agreed to get this old! sure, i still have two good years left to savor my 20’s, but let’s face it, 30’s hanging out like that annoying piece of fat that falls over the top of your waistband and rubs against your shirt.

and yes, the usual questions apply here in this post: wasn’t i suppose to be married/cure cancer/beat stephen hawkings at chess by now? i mean, wasn’t i suppose to be GOOD at LIFE by now?

they teach you a lot of things growing up, but someone missed scheduling the class where they teach you that life is a constant struggle….whether that struggle be small or large, emotional or physical. (for some of my friends that never left home, that class should have included lessons on how to use the washing/drying/dish-washing machines, and maybe how to boil water..) but i find i still fumble the basics: dish-washing (SUCKS!), paying my bills on time, saving money, not eating 15 fruit roll-ups consecutively in lieu of dinner, etc. and i definitely struggle with the big ones: goals, determinations, confidence, oh yeah..i suck in the romance department too.

so i guess the point of this pointless post is when does it get easier!? *whining* i admit i’m a lot more evolved than my peers in certain departments, but they have definitely beat me in the others. but we’re all sitting here struggling with the same insecurities. (no really, they should think about adding a course in college to warn us.) 

what happened to all those ambitions in college? i was friends with revolutionaries, people with lofty ideals and plans to execute. what happened to MY fight? i feel like i got beaten by reality. and i more often than not find myself sitting at coffee with my very smart friends lamenting our daily struggles- slaves to the cycle, prostitutes to the money.

the newest twist to this sick demise is that my physical being is being beaten down by my looming 30’s. i use to eat salads for a week and BOOM! flat tummy….not so much now.  it’s like my skin’s elasticity gave up and instead of holding the fat in, it’s just letting it ALL hang out.

and my energy level…where did it go? the sorority sisters and i use to party like rockstars, crash for a two hours and be up at the breakfast table bight-eyed the next day discussing Nietzsche and heading off to take mid-terms and finals. now, it takes four days and about 10 mugs of tea to recover from a hangover.  not to mention, any day that i ddn’t fulfill the necessary 8 hour sleeping cycle finds me asleep at 8pm on the couch passed out with the TV on.

so thirty, stay away. i am ill-prepared for your arrival and effects. after all, they tell me it’s only down-hill after you…or wait…are you suppose to be the 20’s? i’m confused.

every little girl had a favorite disney movie.

the true romantics loves snow white for its pure dame-in-distress-saved-by-a-kiss heroism.

the down on their luck dream of cinderella for the way a man can change their life and lifestyle.

the drama queens enjoy the little mermaid for its ability for two people to overcome differences and end up together (very romeo and juliet with scales.)

my favorite was and always will be Lady and the Tramp (yes, Michelle: crazy dog lady.) the tramp was the baaaaad boy, the rebel, if you will. he lured lady away from her cushy middle-upper class properly groomed lifestyle and took her through the slums. she got dirty, ate spaghetti, kissed inappropriately and even landed in doggy jail. i mean seriously, imagine snow white doing all that! but tramp introduced lady to a way of life she was never aware existed, kind of like a cultural education. lady, meanwhile, took it all in stride and eventually put away her manicured puppy-tail and learned to enjoy the experience.

i think that’s what a better half is suppose to do for you. help you experience something new so that you can strengthen yourself.

this is not my valentines day single gal rant (since technically it’s the 15th), but rather the fruit of being inspired by a string of random events all shining their spotlight on my singleness: two, count them, TWO engagement parties this weekend, being forced to watch ‘he’s just not that into you’, and being asked at the trader joe’s what i was cooking for valentines day dinner. (what the fuck do you think the can of organic spaghetti-o’s are for idiot!?)

when natasha was in town this weekend, we had several discussions regarding relationships in our stage of life. (all over really ridiculously good meals, btw.) i’m an alpha personality, and i will always be attracted to alpha personalities. sparks usually fly fast and furious but it usually overheats into a giant molten mess. i have fought my whole relationship life to allow anyone to “take care of me,” and yet now it seems all of my friends who are settling down (or marrying) are doing it with the men who are the “taker-carers.” they use to date the life of the parties, the funny guys, guys with personalities and edge; now the boyfriends seem….vanilla (don’t get me wrong, they’re all likable people.) and now i’ve been plunged into one of those confused contemplative states regarding my ever-single self.

i HATE men who try to take care of me. for fuck’s sake, i can buy my own damn groceries! i like to bicker and jab a little- okay, a LOT (maybe i might have spent too much time in the men’s locker room.) i want someone who’s gonna push me to experience something i never thought to try. (and not in the my boyfriend loves the bears, so i totally love the bears kind of way.) but obviously my current path has lead me to flick off gennifer goodwin in the middle of ‘he’s not that into you.’ so what’s the alternative? find someone who wants to “take care of me” and then be all excited and gitty mistaking serenity for boredom? (sorry, was that cynical?)

SO, is ANY companionship better than none? should i lay off the spark-flying flaming hot cheetos and try a nilla wafer? ultimately, is it price charming or the tramp?

yea me!

this is my secret santa Chanelle, and her daughter Madison. since Nelle asked for all these kitchen things on her wish list, i bought her a flour sifter from one of my favorite stores William-Sonoma and i MADE her and her daughter matching aprons! yes, that is her daughter’s face on the apron. score one for my crafting gene. YEA FOR ME! CRAFTING QUEEN!

here’s a better shot of Madison and her teeny tiny apron.

here we go:

-stop procrastinating (i was gonna write this list last week…but i procrastinated.)

-exert more will power (stop at 2 fruit roll-ups instead of 5, commit to going to yoga/trainer etc…this resolution emcompasses many aspects.)

-keep a better (ahem..cleaner) apartment

-keep better touch with your friends (i swore i got all your emails/christmas cards, i promise i’ll write back…some day.)

-take my dog out more.

-work less and have more fun! whoo! (new orleans, china and possibly new york and costa rica on the books this year, how’s that for a start?)

-maybe get a new job, but at least redo my resume.

-decide on business school, law school or art school   or eternal mediocrity slinging alcohol in a bar.

that’s it, that’s all. happy new year everyone! (five days late

no really. i dislike her. i’ve never seen a movie of hers i enjoyed. i think she’s got like ONE facial expression and every time the american express commercial comes on about her and her mom, i wanna throw the tv out the window. so here’s a list:

1. she ruined coldplay. how good was coldplay’s first album? do you remember when you first heard yellow in the radio? it was simple, beautiful and chris martin’s voice sounded so sincere. now, on whatever god-awful viva la vida loca album they came out with, all i hear is synthesizers.

2. the woman’s never made a good movie. sorry. this is my blog and my opinion counts. no, shakespeare in love was NOT good. it was boring. and not even a finnes brother in tights could save it. (and never ever let ben affleck do a period film again.) running with scissors? contrived. shallow hal? stupid.

3.  she has ONE facial expression. ONE. i can’t tell if she drank cat piss or her son learned to walk. her face is like a drone on botox. ONE. STALE. EXPRESSION.

4. she claimed that she never wanted to use her mother’s success to her advantage. (see AmEx commercial that makes you want to destroy tv,) and yet every interview since Emma talks about Blyth Danner.

5. she named her kid Apple. like she thinks her child is going to be exempt from getting her ass booted from the playground because she has famous parents. right, kingston’s pulling her pigtails and giving her a swirly as we speak.

yeah. that’s it. i just don’t like her. and you’re bored anyways since you’re reading this. so i hope i’ve provided you with a good 5 minutes worth of entertainment from the deep dark depths of my thought process.