this weekend, i went to the nuptuals of Jessica & Derek. i went to college with Jess and she was pretty much the life of the party everywhere we went. we all took a minute to mourn the fact that it would no longer be appropriate to send Jess to the front of the line to flirt with the bouncer when we needed to get into a hotspot.

the wedding wasn’t huge or extravegant, but it was fill with this genuine feel of love. it was intimate in a way that everyone felt free to just dance and sing and completely be themselves because we were all amongst friends. plus, you know when asian grandma’s on the dancefloor cutting a rug, it’s a party. of all the weddings i’ve gone to, it was, the most fun.  

from left, it’s natasha, michelle, alice, desiree and me (i’m the one farting the flower.) they’re the reason for all the fun, i think. i never had any siblings, but if i did, i would want them to be just like these girls: uninhibited, funny, supportive and always always inappropiate. they are in this life, part of who i consider family. they are better versions of me, people whose qualities i aim to acquire. and when the storm clouds roll in, they are the ones with umbrellas that not only shield themselves, but me. and i love them.

that’s when it happened. a knock on the door. i heard it loud and clear. i went to open it ,and guess what? thirty was there. it handed me a “save the date” card, laughed at my unbuttoned jeans and walked away, leaving me haunted.

how did this happen? i never agreed to get this old! sure, i still have two good years left to savor my 20’s, but let’s face it, 30’s hanging out like that annoying piece of fat that falls over the top of your waistband and rubs against your shirt.

and yes, the usual questions apply here in this post: wasn’t i suppose to be married/cure cancer/beat stephen hawkings at chess by now? i mean, wasn’t i suppose to be GOOD at LIFE by now?

they teach you a lot of things growing up, but someone missed scheduling the class where they teach you that life is a constant struggle….whether that struggle be small or large, emotional or physical. (for some of my friends that never left home, that class should have included lessons on how to use the washing/drying/dish-washing machines, and maybe how to boil water..) but i find i still fumble the basics: dish-washing (SUCKS!), paying my bills on time, saving money, not eating 15 fruit roll-ups consecutively in lieu of dinner, etc. and i definitely struggle with the big ones: goals, determinations, confidence, oh yeah..i suck in the romance department too.

so i guess the point of this pointless post is when does it get easier!? *whining* i admit i’m a lot more evolved than my peers in certain departments, but they have definitely beat me in the others. but we’re all sitting here struggling with the same insecurities. (no really, they should think about adding a course in college to warn us.) 

what happened to all those ambitions in college? i was friends with revolutionaries, people with lofty ideals and plans to execute. what happened to MY fight? i feel like i got beaten by reality. and i more often than not find myself sitting at coffee with my very smart friends lamenting our daily struggles- slaves to the cycle, prostitutes to the money.

the newest twist to this sick demise is that my physical being is being beaten down by my looming 30’s. i use to eat salads for a week and BOOM! flat tummy….not so much now.  it’s like my skin’s elasticity gave up and instead of holding the fat in, it’s just letting it ALL hang out.

and my energy level…where did it go? the sorority sisters and i use to party like rockstars, crash for a two hours and be up at the breakfast table bight-eyed the next day discussing Nietzsche and heading off to take mid-terms and finals. now, it takes four days and about 10 mugs of tea to recover from a hangover.  not to mention, any day that i ddn’t fulfill the necessary 8 hour sleeping cycle finds me asleep at 8pm on the couch passed out with the TV on.

so thirty, stay away. i am ill-prepared for your arrival and effects. after all, they tell me it’s only down-hill after you…or wait…are you suppose to be the 20’s? i’m confused.