love the wang

when i was 22, i thought for sure i’d work in baseball. it didn’t exactly happen. so when i was 25, i was certain i would go to law school. but that didn’t exactly happen.

when i was evern younger, like 13, i thought i’d have everything together by 25. job, romance, life in general. movies like Reality Bites didn’t make sense to me, like who works at the Gap in their 20’s?

at 27, there is still that sense of urgency, that 30 is down the block in a taxi, just about to honk its horn. i told my mom that there are easy ways to feel a sense of accomplishment: settling down and having children being the easiest one. and then, there’s the single orange county woman’s everyday stuggle.

heartbreak comes in many forms. but the realization that my job is unfulfilling is probably one of the more startling. what was suppose to be a temporary solution while i studied for my LSATs made me so financially comfortable that I mistaken a job for a career. and i’ve just spend two years of my life pouring alcohol for some of the most superficial, rude and useless people in the world. it has made me a bitter, distant and cynical human being (ever more than i was before.) the time consumption stripped me of things i loved to do. and the moral defeat of the unwinable battle everyday stripped me of my ability to enjoy things. and yesterday, as i sat while my boss sat and defamed my character, i realized, i’ve just spend two years busting my ass for someone whose incompetance surpasses his lack of morals.  i have just wasted two years of my life working and watching tv, for no reason- no sense of accomplishment, no career, nothing. just wasted.

it’s time for a new job. one with normal hours and sober people who speak like humans should. One where there’s growth and sense of accomplishment (however small). One that will give me free time to do my laundry and maybe have functioning relationships with people.

i am secretly still a hopeless romantic about life. that everything happens for a reason, that things will always work out, that my time will come etc. etc. and maybe that’s what drives me to never give up. but at the end of the day, change is still hard to make. but i can only hope for the best, as i always do.