love the wang

my friend ashton turned 24 yesterday. and for his grand celebration, ash ordered a party bus complete with a 4000 watt sound system, three stripper poles and karaoke! the bus took us to the hustler club and canyon inn where the birthday boy got thee lap dances and about 140,000 shots.

first off, let me say that girls love stripper poles. maybe it’s the gymnastic element to it ( i mean, which one of us didn’t try and recreate carrie strug’s heroic 1996 olympic vault in our living rooms?) so when there’s three on a bus, there’s bound to be some heroics. AND since we had gone to a strip club, i was somehow inspired and convinced that i could hang upside and spin from one. PLus, all the girls on the bus were like 24 and UNDER, so you know- mama had to show them a thing or two.

i showed them alright…..until i woke up the next morning unable to lift my arms past the 45 degree angle and unable to laugh without abdominal pain. apparently, stripper pole activities are only for people in fit physical conditions- and not for 27 year olds with muscles that have atrophied into fat.

let that be a warning to the rest of you. (cause my arms hurt from holding them off to type so i gatta lay down now…)