love the wang

Sometimes it takes other people’s pain to remind you that yours isn’t as malignant as you imagined.

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if you MUST know, i love LITTLE dogs. teeny, tiny, pocket-sized, fuzzy canines. preferable, the odder looking the better. so it was to no surprise to my friends that i got suckered into being a foster parent for adoptable dogs for a local rescue group called “sparky and the gang” 

first there was Ava, a chihuahua, dachsaund mix

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i hate breakfast. i LOVE breakfast food, but i hate breakfast. it’s one of those meals where you don’t have time to sit down and ENJOY your food, and even if you do, it’s like lunch is right around the corner, so why bother?

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yeah, yeah, the economy is bad. sure, i picked up the morning paper for the first time in two months and pretty much cringed at the thought of not being able to retire until i’m 89 years old. but what’s a girl to do at 27 besides look fantastic?

as shopoholics go, i’m in the club. j’adore the “i’m put together but i didn’t try hard” look. and i pretty much will wear ANYTHING. (okay, NOT CLOGS/CROCS but pretty much anything else.)

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yesterday while i was busy shoving myself into a pair of high-waisted Marc Jacobs jeans that i SWORE fit me two months ago, i started to lament on how it was that i had managed to gain so much weight in eight simple weeks.

that’s when it happened. a knock on the door. i heard it loud and clear. i went to open it ,and guess what? thirty was there. it handed me a “save the date” card, laughed at my unbuttoned jeans and walked away, leaving me haunted.

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every little girl had a favorite disney movie.

the true romantics loves snow white for its pure dame-in-distress-saved-by-a-kiss heroism.

the down on their luck dream of cinderella for the way a man can change their life and lifestyle.

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yea me!

this is my secret santa Chanelle, and her daughter Madison. since Nelle asked for all these kitchen things on her wish list, i bought her a flour sifter from one of my favorite stores William-Sonoma and i MADE her and her daughter matching aprons! yes, that is her daughter’s face on the apron. score one for my crafting gene. YEA FOR ME! CRAFTING QUEEN!

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here we go:

-stop procrastinating (i was gonna write this list last week…but i procrastinated.)

-exert more will power (stop at 2 fruit roll-ups instead of 5, commit to going to yoga/trainer etc…this resolution emcompasses many aspects.)

-keep a better (ahem..cleaner) apartment

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no really. i dislike her. i’ve never seen a movie of hers i enjoyed. i think she’s got like ONE facial expression and every time the american express commercial comes on about her and her mom, i wanna throw the tv out the window. so here’s a list:

1. she ruined coldplay. how good was coldplay’s first album? do you remember when you first heard yellow in the radio? it was simple, beautiful and chris martin’s voice sounded so sincere. now, on whatever god-awful viva la vida loca album they came out with, all i hear is synthesizers.

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theodore roosevelt made famous the big stick ideology of american foreign policy with the term “speak softly and carry a big stick.” on sunday, i coined the new female bartender term, “giggle softly and demand a big tip.”

women are great tippers if you make them feel great. compliment their hair, their outfit, buy them a round of shots, etc.. women are more likely to compensate your friendliness with the generosity of money. this technique works not only for me but for my male co-workers. to go one (politically incorrect) step further, if you are a male bartender and you make a kinda chubby chick feel good…they will TIP the living bejesus out of you.

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